Failure sucks; Almost winning sucks even more. This is true in every field, but I will love to discuss on it as it pertains to writing.  Have you ever been the just a point away to become a winner in a competition or anything at all. You know that feeling right? It really sucks more than just being kicked out at the early stages of the competition. So, if you have had this experience before, this piece is for you. Let's have some serious discussion.

So, I am a final year law student of the University of Nigeria Nsukka, and I have not been enjoying studies lately. Some time last year (the coronavirus year) I started blogging, I just wanted a space where I can talk about topics that interest me for everyone to see. It didn't go well because of so many issues. However, this year I decided to try another path, essay competitions. 

As God will have it, I found myself in a group chat sponsored by the NHEF foundation where I get updates on every opportunities for students: essay, scholarship, competition, etc. This gave me updates on thousands of essays. I was excited and started writing. Trust me when I say, I have written more than 15 essays in two months. That is, participating in 15 essay competitions. It was terrible, the constant rush of Adrenalin, trying to meet up with deadlines, editing, etc. Plus I have my school works, projects, and assignment to deal with. I am literally dry up. Like I reached my limit. The outcome of the essays is what prompt me to write this.

In the first categories of the competition, the organisers just go straight ahead and announced the winners, most times, it's just one person. They say nothing at all to the other contestants. Honestly, this is totally insensitive. Lots of work was put into writing, it won't kill organisers to just send a decent email congratulating the contestants and maybe offer a review before announcing the actual winners. 

In between, I started online courses and workshops on how to write good essays, articles, etc. Woww, please deary, whatever you do, always learn to fall back to training again. You don't know how much new knowledge has been added to that field where you are, until you go for additional training. Learning should be a conscious periodic process. Anyways, it is here that I realise most of my essays lacked so many things, and I wished I can rewrite them again. Lolll

Second category is the main gist. Here, I received email of being among the top contestants, in some, top 50, 10, 15 respectively. Wowww, this really made me excited and I smelled winning. I started receiving congratulatory messages already from my peers and classmates who didn't qualify up to this stage of the competition. Winning became so clear and possible. You know when you start spending money that you haven't received, or when you begin to imagine yourself climbing the stage to receive the award. It's really lit. Then the blow hits. They announce the top 3 winners and you are not among. For me, I was shocked at first, then I cried, then I isolated myself, them I slept and woke up. 

I woke up this morning with a different kind of energy. I realised that I am a winner. After all, I was among the top 10, 15, 50 or whatever they announced. So I wasn't wrong to imagine spending the prize money. I was right to imagine myself being announced a winner. My mates were right to congratulate me.

To be honest, I am not a failure. I wasn't perfect with my essays and sometimes I wonder how they manage to consider me top 10. But, feeling like a winner is the exact kind of energy I need to pick up another essay, this time I will apply my knowledge of those new skills I learnt from the trainings and my previous experience. 

To other writers and well wishers. Don't give up. I tried 15 times, I am about trying another round again. If you fail, go back and restrategize. Go for more training, meet experts, re do. You gain nothing from trying. You never fail when you try, you actually just learnt how not to fail again. Gracias to you all!!!

PS: You can write about your experience, it has a way of giving you clarity and calmness.